Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Great Ribena Berry Mystery

So, as we all know, all this supposed essay writing is really just a ruse and most of the time, I'm either doodling or wandering around my house, marvelling at various pretty things in a semi-stoned state. This afternoon for example, I spent a good ten minutes staring up into the leaves of the palm trees that are planted in our garden, just because I could and it looked ever so nice.

With all this time on my hands, I often start to think about really stupid stuff (see above). Last night, an old nagging question surfaced. Ever since Ribena changed their logo and added the shpiel about how 95% of Britain's Blackcurrants make Ribena, it got me to thinking, how do they know this?

Was a special task force set up over at Glaxosmith Kline? I can imagine the board meeting:

Boss: "Right, Jones, we need you and Hargreaves to find all of Britain's blackcurrants and bring them to us! Do you understand?"

Jones looks puzzled. "ALL of them sir?"

Boss: "Yes, go door to door if need be and bring them to me. I must only have BRITISH blackcurrants, do you understand?! Not Australian, Not South African and certainly, not American. I don't care what you have to do to get them, get me those blackcurrants"


Or perhaps, they've bought a large chunk of Somerset and have set up their own dedicated blackcurrant farm, so large that it is believed to contain the said percentage of blackcurrants.

Then, there's another aspect to consider - what about all of the blackcurrant plants that grow wild or in gardens? Surely, they must make up more than 5% of the total number of blackcurrants? Perhaps you, dear reader, have a blackcurrant plant that remains unregistered with the appropriate authorities? This has led me to wonder what would happen if I were to theoretically buy a couple of hectares of countryside and grow my own blackcurrants? Would Ribena be forced to change their percentage to, say, 93% or less, maybe? Or would Ribena thugs, dressed in giant purple velvet ribena berry outfits come and squish me to death, only to be added to their ever so sweet fruit mix drink?

Anyone willing to stump up the cash to buy a couple of hectares of land, grow some blackcurrants and test the theory?

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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yes content writing part is most important

4/29/2006 12:47:00 PM  

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