Zombie anti

God, I feel like one of those workaholic parents who sneaks into their child's room when they come home after a long day at the office, long after the child's gone to bed and feel guilty. This blog may not be a child but I know I've been neglecting it.

I thought it only fair I should raise my hand and say 'hey, guess what? I'm not dead.'

So,

[raises hand, waves it around half-heartedly]

I'm not dead, but I can't be too far off with these levels of exhaustion. In between working my ass off in front of pages of data, I've been out and about, trying to reassemble myself into something that vaguely resembles a human being and not a sheep dog.

I also went to the opening night of the Polish Film Festival last night, to see Zanussi's film, Persona Non Grata.

However, right now, my exhaustion is overwhelming. Stories will have to wait til tomorrow.

Sleeeeeeee-py...Zzz.

Blogdom is as boredom does

Ah, salvation in broadband! It's only taken 6 weeks and a dozen phonecalls to the two parties involved but finally, my internet connection resembles something vaguely useful. It also means that I can finally make use of the 140GB hard drive on this computer and systematically fill it with all the crap that my pittance of a 4GB laptop won't allow. I swear, that computer is on it's last legs - it makes horrible wheezy sounds when I overburden it with the request to open more than one programme at a time and frankly, I'm amazed it's made it 4 years without any serious ailments.

As always, I should be doing work but I'm yet to do any today and since it's almost 10pm, I doubt I'll really get anything done. Still, there's always tomorrow, right?

This isn't going to be a very long blog, nor will it be particularly interesting either I expect, since I've barely left the house since arriving here on Tuesday, I'm ashamed to admit that it will all be tv.

First off, just how good were The Games this year? Okay, so maybe seeing C-list celebrities sweating it out for some medals that the props department knocked up really isn't your thing. It wasn't even really mine either, but somehow I got drawn into it this year.

And the reason? I never thought I would say this, believe me, but Adam Rickitt. I'll give you all a minute to stop laughing on the floor and re-compose yourselves. Yes, he who once writhed naked in a perspex box has finally won over my affections. Drafted in to replace Goldie after he broke his leg, wee little Adam stepped up to fill some mighty big shoes with just two weeks to go. Despite his lack of training, there he was night after night, coming fourth or fifth in pretty much everything but seeing him soldiering on with two black eyes from the diving and keeping his chin up really stirred something in me (not like that, you filthy people).

In comparison to someone like Amanda Lamb (what does she do anyway?) who cried when she didn't win, or Javine who was smug and ungracious everytime she kicked someone's ass at something, Adam really stood out, soldiering on.

I like good sports, even if they have made some dodgy career choices in the past. So, kudos Mr Rickitt.

My next kudos go out to Simon Amstell. Last night, with a lack of good television, I tuned into the repeat of Never Mind the Buzzcocks, guest presented by Mr Amstell. I have two words to describe it: FUCKING and BRILLIANT. I don't think I've laughed so hard since I went to see Mike Wilmott last summer, particularly all the Kenzie baiting, although he held his own very well.

Told you it'd be boring.

From the depths of narrowband

You may or may not have noticed that I've been gone, what, over a week now? Yeech. Sorry. The essays keep piling up next to me, as do the library books, and they don't seem to ever diminish.

I'll be honest, it's not all work work work though that's behind my disappearance. I meant to blog the afternoon after St. Patrick's Day but being a relative newcomer to the deviant that is Guinness, I wasn't quite prepared for the monster hangover the following day. It was epic. I became paranoid at one point that I'd done myself permanent damage, some kind of brain swelling or something, but in reality, it was more a case of lie down, shut up and wake up Sunday feeling almost normal.

Another reason for my disappearance is the lack of Broadband. I've had to return home in order to actually get some work done and as of yet, we're still waiting on our broadband. It's now 6 weeks and counting since we got the ball rolling, and I have to say, I'm impressed with just how incredibly useless AOL have turned out to be. Don't even get me started on the NTL side of the story, I could write a book about my previous battles with them.

Coming home also means that currently, at least until our broadband works, I'm having to use the mac. Although I was resistant at first, I'm gradually learning to deal with it, although I must stress the word gradually. One improvement I made was to go to PC World and buy a NORMAL mouse for it. Although mac mice are very elegant, they are absolutely bloody useless - not only does little rat not listen to where I want it to go, there's only one button. As a life long PC user, I was inconsolable -and increasingly infuriated- by the lack of a right click button. So out with the prettily designed but ultimately useless mouse and in with its uglier but smarter Belkin sister.

Anyway, on with more pressing matters than computer mice.

Those who read the comments will undoubtedly noticed the kind offer from Websurveyor.net. Well, dear Dryegor, I'm sorry to inform you that my university's English department is so underfunded and understaffed that they're cutting another two lecturers for the next academic year. Said teachers are already so overworked and underpaid, that I think that if I tried to add so much as a paperclip to their workload, they might go about trying to rip off one of my limbs. Plus, your analysis system didn't really do it for me anyway.

But thanks anyway.

Also, from the comments. Ben Brodie asked where's cheap and good to go in London. It took me about five minutes to claw my way back onto my seat from the floor, where I've been rolling around laughing. London is one of the most expensive cities in the world, nothing is cheap. Hell, we're not even allowed to drive into town for free. However, I'd offer the following advice:

1. Get an oyster card as soon as you can. Sadly, our evil Major, Ken Livingstone, has decided that cold hard money is apparently too complicated and time consuming. In order to stop people spending their cash, he's jacked up the prices for anyone who dare use a note to pay for their travelcard. As well as cutting the cost of your journey, it'll also save you money at various tourist attractions like the London Eye.

2. The hop-on-hop-off bus A very good way to see the proper sites, last time I had the pleasure it was about £15, expect higher prices. Pick a sunny day, sit on the top deck and wear a warm hat.

3. Tate Modern is a great way to spend a day, particularly if its raining and horrible outside. Lots of the exhibitions are free and I love it. End of.

4.Camden Market is also fun. Try to go on a weekend day when it's at its best but watch your bag! Lots of cheap and cheerful crap, plus loads of food stalls and the remaining odd eccentric.

Ultimately, invest in a guide book. And bring lots of money.

anti needs YOU

ARGH. Okay, so the survey over at websurveyor.net didn't work out well. Apparently, you can only get 10 responses for free and after that, the price hikes up to $500. $500! The best bit was when they offered me a student discount of 10%. Ha. So with the help of Dave, I've managed to stick it up on another site:

http://www.eva.surf.org.uk/anti/anti.html

Remember, if you're British, watch TV and have 5 minutes to spare, I need YOU!

Drinking and Pleading

What a weekend. First the DRINKING. I headed back to London on Saturday for one of my old school friend's birthdays and to meet an old friend from America who was over for a few days. We all trekked into zone one to go for dinner at Belgo's in Covent Garden, where we drank far more than we ate, probably because their drinks menu is bigger than their food menu.

Not a bad thing.

After dinner, we staggered out and into a cab to the very posh no. 5 in Cavendish Square. I have to admit, I'm not fond of these kind of clubs as unless you're willing to fork out £300 for a table, you are forced to stand like a groundling and the only way for someone on my budget to be able to afford drinks is to latch onto one of the sleazy old cigar smoking men sitting at one of the tables or the drunk Etonian weilding a charge card to Daddy's account. I reckon I could spot one at 30 paces - striped (usually blue) shirt, loafers and quiff, usually thrashing wildly to music, arms aloft and stepping on everyone around them, completely oblivious.

Yeuch.

Luckily, we were beyond drunk at this point and after some wheedling with those clutching the clipboards, we managed to cut our entry fee down, which meant we could all afford precisely one glass of wine each.

Probably because we were so battered, we all then got a bit overly excited when we spotted the girl who played Nikki on the brilliant As If on the tiny dancefloor.

I finally rolled in sometime after 4, collapsing in front of the TV, only to realise I was watching the previous day's episode of The Wright Stuff, whose topic was should swearing be a crime. I suddenly realised that this was probably quite useful for my dissertation and tried to take notes. Unfortunately, I was so incapacitated that this proved to be a far greater task than originally anticipated and I should probably just cut my losses.

Now for the PLEADING. I have a favour to ask. If you live in the UK, watch TV and have nothing better to do, I need YOU!

[does Uncle-Sam-pointy-finger-poster-imitation]

Please go yonder and complete my shortish questionnaire about attitudes towards swearing in general and in television. I pledge my undying love to those who do and even more love to those who happen to pass on the url to others.

http://websurveyor.net/wsb.dll/54975/survey.htm

Now, back to the aforementioned dissertation.

Jelly ache

Watching The Road to Guantanamo on Channel 4 right now, I've absent-mindedly managed to eat an entire block of undiluted jelly. So I figured whilst I wait for the belly ache to kick in, I thought I'd doss around on here. Since I doubt I'll post again til Monday as I'm being forced through a chain of circumstances to return to London yet again.

Anyway, if you've been living in a dark cave somewhere for the last week, you may be one of the few individuals who still hasn't seen the 'leaked' Sky One Simpsons promotion, where real people re-enact the opening credits of the show. I have to say, it's pretty genius. For those of you who missed it, I give the gift of youtube:




On a completely different matter, one of my favourite ways to waste time on here is to go blog hopping. See that little box in the top right hand corner of this place that reads next blog? Well, I like to press it, repeatedly, until a blog catches my eye or as is sometimes necessary, until I find one in English. Over the course of the last couple of weekends, when I should've been doing dissertation work, I've been reading other people's blogs. Some are funny, some are weird and some are just heart breaking. So below are some of my un-put-down-ables, so to speak:

Support For Christi Thomas // Kate Maintenance // Chewie // Eric takes Los Angeles // The Daily Dump // Malcom's Crazy Adventures // Cityrag // MC Hammer's Blog // In Prague // My Boyfriend is a Twat

...and finally, anarchy's not dead, it just isn't interested:

click for full image

That should keep you going until I get back. Oooh, I feel the jelly ache coming on.

An evening with Jack Johnson (in technicolour)

I'm feeling too lazy to write anything, so as promised, here are my pictures from Jack Johnson.


















Yes, I know my camera has a shit zoom.

An evening with Jack Johnson (and Elle Macpherson)

I'm back. Been absent for a few days as I was trying to get various things sorted before I went back to London over the weekend. Should've mentioned that. Oops. We still don't have broadband at my London home because AOL doesn't do broadband for macs. Great.

Anyway, I went back to London to see Jack Johnson at the Hammersmith Apollo, which was wicked. Damien Marley came out to do a song, which pretty much made one of my friend's weekends and I have to say, I've never seen a more enthusiastic crowd, literally.

Jack walks up to the mike, crowd goes wild. Jack fiddles with his guitar, crowd goes wild. Lights change from purple to green, crowd goes wild. You get the idea.

But in all fairness, I feel they had just cause. It was one of only a few gigs that I've been to where every song was note-for-note perfect and where I didn't feel I'd been jipped. £22.50 plus all of the ridiculous service charges is a lot to pay for a gig, so we couldn't quite believe when we got a full two hours of Mr Johnson's time, with a selection from all his albums, unlike most main acts that play half an hour of their new album, then one old song, if you're lucky.

We also had the privilege of having Elle Macpherson, with mystery-quite-fit man, dancing along two feet in front of us. Oddly, she was wearing sunglasses on top of her head indoors, at night, in a dark auditorium, and didn't clap after any songs, even though she seemed to be having a good time, dancing along. Weird. Once you're famous yourself, is it no longer required that you applaud?

I'll post some pictures once I've unloaded my camera.

Pancakes, Drugs and Microsoft

Oof. I hope you all had a good Shrove Tuesday. I'm still feeling a little bit queasy from the sheer volume of pancakes I consumed. Only 364 days til the next one, thank god. I don't think I could look at another pancake for a while.

Today, according to the ITV lunchtime news, the UK was named as the Cocaine capital of Europe by the UN. Crystal Meth and Cannabis were also cited as 'serious threats'. Considering that last week we had a Crystal Meth special on This Morning which stressed that CM isn't really that popular here, I'm a little confused. I've been offered a virtual rainbow of drugs in my lifetime but never Crystal Meth. And having seen the effects that it has on people, I'm not surprised that it's not seemingly popular, although let's be honest, that never stopped Heroin being passed around. I've read various things over the years with the problems in the US with CM, including a very graphic novel that pretty much sealed the deal on crossing that experience off my list but until recently, I'd never really seen anything on it in the UK. But then, I guess people have to get their kicks somehow.

As for weed, fair enough, smoking is bad. So is the possibility of unleashing the schizophrenia within. But there are millions of people across the world who spark up or chow down space cookies on a regular basis without being menaces to society. Probably because most of them are sitting at home on their sofas giggling at cartoons and eating whatever they can get their hands on. Something that's been around since 4000 BC ain't gonna disappear overnight.

Now, enough politics, more youtube goodies. Today's pick is a brilliant satire of Microsoft's overbranding: